Introducing SLAVER — New iPhone App

Image of slavery from ancient times

Introducing SLAVER — New iPhone App

Silicon Valley is buzzing today over the release of SLAVER(tm), a new iPhone app that promises to bring back slavery with greater convenience than ever before. “Our goal is to change the world,” says company co-founder Thad Techsmart, wearing his standard attire, black T-shirt, black pants, black shoes, black socks and black underwear. “If we create value the financials will take care of themselves. After all, slavery is potentially a $3 trillion global market and the industry today is almost entirely offline. It is totally, totally ripe for disruption. It’s a gnarly-sized opportunity.”


Techsmart and SLAVER company cofounder, Adnan Screwpeople, built their new app last month in Screwpeople’s mother’s Palo Alto, California garage. “We know the garage gives us moral legitimacy,” says Techsmart, “It’s kind of like the gold standard in Silicon Valley. We placed every single call to our programming team in India right from that garage.”


Screwpeople and Techsmart dropped out of Stanford University earlier this year to start their company, which now boasts seven Stanford professors of engineering and business on its board and executive team. Techsmart says the SLAVER team is “aware but completely unconcerned” that slavery has been, at least technically, illegal around the world for nearly two centuries. “Those laws were built for the old analog world,” he says. “This is digital! It can’t be bad because it’s an app on an Iphone! It’s technology, man. Progress! You can’t stand in the way of progress unless you are a Luddite or something.”


SLAVER, which is hiring young white male engineers as fast as it can find them, just completed its first two rounds of venture financing. The company is backed by the legendary Silicon Valley venture capital firm Monet, Grabbers and Steal. “We’re placing a big bet on SLAVER because we’ve seen from our other tech startups that as long as it’s an app on an iPhone we can break any damn laws we like,” says Monet, Grabbers, and Steal senior partner Whistlin Dixie.


“We think the market for this will be bigger than anyone imagines,” adds Techsmart. “Advances in technology have left millions of people around the world jobless and desperate. If they have no other way to eat or to sleep inside they are going to be grateful for the opportunities we provide. It’s all about sharing.”


As originally published on Medium on April 21, 2016 here:


About the Author /

My published work since 1985 has focused mostly on public policy, technology, science, education and business. I’ve written more than 600 articles for a variety of magazines, journals and newspapers on these often interrelated subjects. The topics I have covered include analysis of progressive approaches to higher education, entrepreneurial trends, e-learning strategies, business management, open source software, alternative energy research and development, voting technologies, streaming media platforms, online electioneering, biotech research, patent and tax law reform, federal nanotechnology policies and tech stocks.

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